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crap.

  • May. 26th, 2009 at 12:17 AM

i miss you.

ehhh...



fdaskfalsjhdfioudlkasdjfh

rip abuelito.

  • Apr. 26th, 2009 at 1:52 AM



I'm the most unproductive human being to live. I brought all my books/study materials home with me with the intention to study for the four tests I have this week. I haven't opened any of them. I guess that means this was one of the best Spring Breaks thus far..but I leave today at 5pm and I'm glad. The taste of liberty on my taste buds once again. Every time I come back to this place, I realize how much I loathe South Florida: the disgustingly humid weather, its epic urban sprawl, and its recycled people.

My first year of college is almost done and I've fallen into the stereotype:
  • I'm broke as fuck
  • I've never been more sleep deprived in my life
  • I've drank my weight in beer
I'm so uncertain about what this summer holds in store for me...Maybe a job at the mall or watching my own back in my motherland if I return in June. Helping orphans in Peru or drunkenly walking through Coconut Grove with my friends.

Or perhaps all of the above.

Post Script: World War II Comic Strip

a pair of brown eyes

  • Mar. 8th, 2009 at 5:59 PM

One summer evening drunk to hell
I sat there nearly lifeless
An old man in the corner sang
Where the water lilies grow

And on the jukebox Johnny sang
About a thing called love
And it's how are you kid and what's your name
And how would you bloody know?


purple yawns.

  • Feb. 22nd, 2009 at 3:12 AM

It doesn't really matter, I'll go where you feel
Home for the breeze, get a midnight meal
I'll point in the windows, you point out the parks
Rip off your sleeves and I'll ditch my socks
Dance to the songs from the cars as they pass
Weave through the cardboard, smell that trash
Walkin' around in our summertime clothes
Know where to go where our bodies go





o saya

  • Jan. 27th, 2009 at 12:42 AM

humanity's only obstacle to survival is: the male sex.

they're all clones of each other and share the same flaws.

on a lighter note, europe in four months. sha-zam!

rorschach

  • Dec. 26th, 2008 at 5:56 PM

i'm not too fond of boats, persay.

anyway, jordan's coming so i have to get ready.

vanilla dome.

  • Dec. 22nd, 2008 at 1:33 AM

there's only one thing in my life that i'm looking forward to at this point. summer abroad in brussels this june.


europe ain't ready for this.

happy birthday, nostradamus.

  • Dec. 15th, 2008 at 2:27 AM

what mess have i gotten myself into? i'm not going to be your second guinea pig, heartbreak experiment. i will cut your legs before you have that chance. maybe i wouldn't be writing this if you appreciated me more.

on a lighter note, i'm going home on friday. drunkfest '08 awaits. maybe having all of my friends reunited will take my mind off of less important things.

post script: i hope you break your teeth when you're biting into her skin.

Too much power.

  • Nov. 19th, 2008 at 2:51 AM

I have way too much power. I have to limit myself, or else I'm going to end up driving myself to the brink of insanity. Albert Einstein defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Maybe I need a shrink again? Or maybe I should stop thinking so much all together? There are days were my mind shuts down from all the analyzing and thinking I do that the only way to feel some kind of comfort is to fall asleep. I might just be creating problems that aren't even there, but I'm assuming the staging is right, so I assume that there's a problem. I hope that makes sense, because it does to me.

Every time I'd see my psychologist I'd just cry before I could even start talking for the first time in that session. Pathetic. Crying doesn't make anything better. I'm such a child. My emotions always get in the way of things I really want to do. But I've now learned from my mistakes and it's easier to spot potential mistakes in the roads ahead of me now. The thing I do see ahead though, is a power struggle. It's been so much simpler before.

Insecurities kill.

Acid )

Void.

  • Nov. 5th, 2008 at 7:12 PM

Upon seeing the results of this election, I'm modifying some of my future plans. I'm more inclined now to stay in the US after college graduation, but that doesn't mean that my top choice would be to move to Europe. That's always been my dream. Sooner or later something's going to remind me again why I want to get out of here so badly. Americans.

I have everything I want, yet I feel so miserably empty and lonely. Maybe this is the cause of having everything I want? It bothers me when there's something wrong and I can't figure out its source no matter how hard I try.

Self-hate.

forty eight.

  • Oct. 28th, 2008 at 2:06 AM

Strong women don't need men.

And everyday that goes by makes me realize that I have to be stronger.

I won't allow you or anybody else to walk all over me.

Postcolonialism.

  • Oct. 15th, 2008 at 10:22 AM

As I sit here in my cell-like dorm eating a bagel with strawberry cream cheese, I wonder what I have gotten myself into. Emotionally, academically, socially. I thought I had the concept of college down, but now beg to differ after receiving a failing score on my first comparative politics exam --- my supposed major. I do not have enough hours in a day. I do not have time to paint. I do not have time to write in this journal anymore. One of the counselors from my high school told me that, "College is full of smart people." How on target was she? I'm doing miserably in a basic level meteorology course. Jesus Christ. Right about now, being a hungry artist in a loft in central Amsterdam sounds very appealing. Or maybe I'll resort to my chalk and street art. In subzero weather.

I hope what I've heard about first semesters is true, that when the second semester comes around you learn to adjust and consequently, get better grades. I've gotten thinner --- it's all the walking around combined with the little that I eat. My perimeter consists of university, 34th, archer, and 13th. I need to get out of here. I need to see the ocean. I'm going home this weekend. I feel like I'm having all kinds of information thrown at me and that I'm supposed to absorb it abnormally fast (sorry for the powerthirst line). I will never understand the physics behind the formation of clouds. Or electron configuration. Or postcolonialism. No matter how many times you explain it to me. I just like politics, god damnit.

I miss my mom.


This image describes my mood and state of mind.

Bosphorus is Waiting.

  • Jul. 9th, 2008 at 4:01 AM

No matter how many turns the Earth makes
How many sunrises and sunsets
Her heart will always lead her back
To his embrace like an eternally calibrated compass

No matter how many turns the Earth makes
How many inbetweens and could-have-beens
Countries will go to war, be blown off the map
Long conversations about looking ahead
Kilometers and seas, or nautical miles
Erasing the pain, buying a new dry erase board
For her heart
Cold hallways and boring lectures
Hydrogen oxide in my eyes; everything's okay.

Because
Her heart will always lead her back
To his embrace like an eternally calibrated
Compass.

Violet Hill

  • May. 25th, 2008 at 9:38 AM

Wow, I haven't written in this thing since like --- forever! Alright well, Thursday was my last day of school and I guess things couldn't be going better. The road has finished, now we're all just waiting till a week from today, Graduation! My summer has officially started, regardless of having a diploma or not. Work is work as usual, rude people are everywhere as well as nice people, but my manager's the shiz so it's all good.

I have to start "collecting" things for UF; I start classes in exactly 3 months from today, yet I have to move in a couple of days earlier. My roommate assignment comes in an email June 14th, which is pretty exciting because I have NO possible idea what kind of lunatic I'm going to get stuck with --- or what kind of lunatic will get stuck with me! HAh.

Mr. Miller, my favorite teacher in all of my high school career, did something really special the other day. He gave me a graduation card with a giftcard to Barnes & Nobles <3 Good people do exist out there! You just have to dig. So I went to B & N after work yesterday and filled up my Commie queue with the likes of the Communist Manifesto and the Petrostate. Now I just have to find the time to read them... 

Am I going to hell? @ the scholarship ceremony on Thursday night that I went to, the organization was composed of Hispanic women. They said prayers and thanked God for all they had been able to accomplish. I was the only one who did not put their head down and did not pray. Is Hispanic Atheism taboo? Possibly, since most Hispanic countries are around 90% Roman Catholic and deviating from that path is virtually unheard of. I'm always the anomaly, the odd one out. But I guess that's what separates me from normal people =/ Otherwise I'd be boring (like I usually say to Sofia). 

Ok, picture --- it's just sick. No need for words. Just sit back and take it in. I love the movement of the water how it looks like fire..

:]

  • May. 10th, 2008 at 10:19 PM

I got a job, finally! I'm a waitress at this restaurant in Boca Raton & it pays pretty darn well. Ok so, my summer is basically outlined so far. Work in the morning, Tae Kwon Do at night & then the weekends for whatever I please. So I'll literally be making money and kicking ass. & Somewhere between all that madness I have to pack and buy everything I need for when I move to UF. Cool! & I might go to Venezuela, squeezed in somewhere. 

Side note, friends are replaceable, family is not. So be nice to your family and love them! It's Mother's Day tomorrow. Another deviation, I just finished watching this documentary on CNN about North Korea (Poli Sci nerdddddddd!) and it was really interesting. They don't have traffic lights! Just a girl standing in the middle of the street with sticks directing traffic. & at night there are no lights to illuminate buildings nor streets. & It's illegal to play or listen to music that does not worship Kim Jong Il or the communist regime. o.O Crazy, I know. Life is just a bowl of cherries, (except in North Korea).

Like a Lollipop.

  • May. 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 AM

How can I describe how I feel now ... mellow, chill, coasting, wholesome? I'm so balanced right now, I love this feeling; I wish I could always feel this way. Chocolate chip mint in hookahs tastes lovely ... :D 

*side note* I hope Bush gives me a damn rebate! I need those $300 ... fa sho. I went job hunting today --- which didn't turn out too well. Everyone is letting go of people instead of hiring because of the recession that is supposedly looming around the corner. I need a job, I don't care if it requires me waking up at 6am to go to work. I don't want to sit in my house all day like last summer, that was the worst summer of my life. But let's not get into that.

Why do people accept they were wrong like a year after!? Like, why couldn't you see your mistakes before. Whatever. Crack babies. I can't wait till Coldplay's new album "Viva La Vida" comes out ... so I can go on Limewire and download it all =] I'm buying my piano keyboard tomorrow (which technically is today, cause the sun hasn't risen) or on Sunday. I can't go another day without attempting Comptine D'un Autre Ete. After that maybe I'll learn Trouble or Clubbed to Death. 

I found a picture to describe how I feel right now:



Free! Running around naked in an open field. Yes. 

Well, as they say in Soviet Russia, доброй ночи, or dobroy nochi.

столичная

  • Apr. 27th, 2008 at 3:35 PM

This weekend was the frosting of the cake of my senior year. Whole concept: Russia vs. Mexico, Russia wins. Don't ask, haha. I just took my last final for FAU dual enrollment, and I'm home free. Well, almost. The plan is that next summer, I'm going to Russia with Alex, Myriam, and Angelica ... This sounds more realistic than Iceland/Tennessee/Eurotrip. But regardless, we'll see. I feel like going cliff diving into the ocean right now. I'm invincible!

My mother wants to put me on birth control -___-  I just hope I don't gain 10 lbs ... or lose 10 lbs. My monthly cramps are enough to put anyone in a coma and often result in me lying in bed for two days, bawling from the pain. So this magical little pill is supposed to mitigate my torment. Ok, enough grossing you guys out. This post is short and sweet cause that's how I feel right now. I haven't eating anything since yesterday's breakfast and it is now 3:35pm. I'm going to go eat before I collapse.

Trippy picture of the week:



This is street art in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Can you say Super Mario? I think this is entirely painted, including the shadows...so it's all two dimensional. Ummm, this picture is pretty much kicks arsch.

Endgame.

  • Apr. 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 PM

Hello, world. Answer me this, is it bad that I'm not religious? That I'm the spawn of Catholics, but am yet to have my first communion, let alone my confirmation. Personally, I disagree with most things that the religion I was born into, stands for. I see organized religion as cult-like and it is something that people who are lonely in life and are looking desperately for answers, cling to. I don't believe in religion and being "devout". It's all about spirituality.

I think that they only person you should believe in is yourself, not some higher being whose existance cannot even be scientifically proven. As the saying goes, you've got to see it to believe it. The Bible; and so what if the Bible was written, who is to say that's the word of God? Humans wrote that, it's probably as corrupted as everything else humans touch. Don't believe everything you read or everything people tell you: question everything.

The way to live a good life is to be at peace with yourself, meaning being a good person. Don't go killing people and raping young children and we'll all be fine, for the most part. Even Buddhism seems more plausible than Christianity because it is all about finding the right path in life to happiness while Christianity is roughly about worshipping and being faithful to fiction. I'm not going to say I'm a complete Atheist, I'm half way there. I'm Agnostic --- I don't know if God exists, he could, and he also might not. 

As far as my views on afterlife go, I believe our souls are recycled. We've all had past lives and we keep becoming reincarnated: I don't know HOW, but it is one of the most credible theories I have heard concerning what happens to people after we die. Religious people often ask me, "Oh, so what's the point in life without God?" My answer usually consists of, "Finding absolute bliss, though not through ignorance."

People are probably going to jump down my throat for writing this entry, but I don't care.

Ok, trippy picture of the week:

 

What the...

  • Apr. 18th, 2008 at 1:10 AM

 You've got to be kidding me. I just wrote like five effin paragraphs about this picture, hit the HTML tab, switched back to Rich Text, and now everything I wrote is gone? Live Journal, you suck.

Here's the picture, if anybody cares. 

Grrr...



What I basically said about it was its trippy qualities and how those attract people to look at it while simultaneously intriguing them. He looks like he wants to escape... it's the human psyche working as usual. We always want what we can't have, he wants air, yet he lives underwater. And once we have what we want, we want even MORE. 

Anyways, I now officially love psychedelic art work. It is my escape and many people's escape because it serves as a window into a distorted world where your socks don't have to match and your cat has five legs. It's Dali's world. It helps me stop thinking about my daily troubles and things-to-do. This is why I paint. My friends and I have reached similar transcendental states by staring a Christmas tree with multicolored lights, without blinking. It sounds stupid, but it worked. I believe that a state of being "on a trip" by looking at certain images is also more easily and strongly attained through the use of psychoactive drugs. 

Though, I think I'll just stick to the rainbow christmas lights.